i hate myself

i hate this, i hate fighting. i always make things up in my head and create a problem. i feel like i'm really useless.I HAD TO BE SO FUCKING STUBBORN AND ARROGANT. i don't think i can function without her. i don't feel like eating, drinking or sleeping. i'll just smoke . i have this really bad we will be together again. even if i die from this or get back together, either way my suffering will end.  i don't know if ur reading this but im sorry for the pain i caused u. i just want to let u know, I Love You, i always did and i always will.

Party Rock!!

http://dc204.4shared.com/img/547100105/656b9836/dlink__2Fdownload_2F_5F3Q04AdM_3Ftsid_3D20110401-43939-53ad9f90/preview.mp3

18 March 2011

Today was really a bad day, last year one of my neighbors told me that not to park in front of his house because I was "obstructing". in my head was saying bullshit!! stop making excuses for ur pathetic lame ass driving!!. so i decide to park some where else.

so the I park near my next door neighbor, which I've been doing so for a good 3 months. when today my neighbor, warning me not park here.. i was thinking, WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO PARK!!!! so tonight i tried to park where i should park before just now at night, it was dark and i dint notice that the neighbor put a big ass ROCK there! it FUCKING RIP MY CAR'S SIDE SKIRT OUT!!!

so then i called my Dad about the situation, so he said i should park further up.. but i kinda miss my dad, i forgot how calm he can be when it comes to my stressful situations.

other than that, today was my friends birthday, Happy Birthday Jules!!! but i doubt she's reading this. I go to spend some time with my beloved today too. But i think she kinda mad at me because i left early. Sorry but two of my friends didn't feel comfortable.. beside i wanted her to spend more time with her friends too, rather than just me.

I manage to do some figures today in Starbucks, I had like an audience while i was drawing.. i felt good! I need to do it more often.

there are curtain things that still going through my head that i've haven't sorted it out yet. I need to do everything i can before she leave, or die trying.   

What's In My Mind Pt 1

I just thought of a new idea where, i make this particular topic when i have no idea what to post just for the sake of updating the blog. Hence, the use of Pt (part).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6ChnL8dXis

   This song has been in my head for a while.. every words from the song is something I can really relate too.its just so... lol, i can't even describe it. i guess if u listen to it, you'll know what I'm talking about.

   I'm really short of cash.. I'm seriously dying, i can't even buy food. Well, its not the first time but its worst than before. I really should focus more on saving than spending.

   I'm really hate sales people. The one's that sell religious stuff. Especially when its not my religion. Its so damn annoying! Someone came to me in my favorite bar "the Joint" while i was eating, she was talking to me in Chinese and was trying to sell me some Buddhist beads. While I was EATING!!! In my head i was thinking, bitch, I can barely fucking understand u and im trying to eat. If u want a donation, sit down here and eat because i know ur not suppose to ask for money, only, allowed to accept food. But being the nice guy that I am, I just say that I'm Malay.

   My class.... I'm doing ok, at least I'm doing ok. The only class thats giving me problem is CG with that dumb ass lecturer Irwin. well, its not that i hate him, its just the fact that his a guest lecturer, so, its hard to find him when I want to talking to him. its a real bitch I tell ya.

thats enough ranting for now, i'll save the rest for next time. See ya

My Fears, Believes, Wishes

    today Imma talk about my fears.. I used to think that my life is was mine and mine alone. come to think about its true, I do what I want and face the consequences later. I was never afraid to die. I still have my scars and I'm ashamed of them because how I got the them was ture meaningless fights and misunderstandings. I guess I can call it Karma.
   but now I have a girlfriend who i love the most, from the bottom of my heart I truly love her.QMH(Queen of My Heart). I recently found out she was going to study abroad, and now... I need to focus to spend more time with her, as much as possible before she leaves... but now I'm starting to have this fear of, me waking up one day and she's gone before spending anytime with her. it still fazes me.  I don't want her to leave but I can't be selfish, I must think of her future as well. I know, I need to be strong... for her sake.. Love, for you I will
    I believe that it was faith that she was in the same class with me for a month before she changed class. If it wasn't for that, I would never had met her at all. Faith is what brought us together, its through her that I don't believe in chance or luck anymore. Everything happens for a reason. Its through her, I value my life. She gave me life, hope and love. no one has ever done that.
   I wish that we had more time together. wish that she'd be save and strong willed when I'm not around. But my main wish is, that she'll be happy no matter what happens. I've be trying to fulfilled that wish for awhile because I always want to make her happy. I'd move mountains just to do so.

I'd always be here for u my love, i'll wait for you no matter what. you are the one that gives me hope. I love you.