i hate myself

i hate this, i hate fighting. i always make things up in my head and create a problem. i feel like i'm really useless.I HAD TO BE SO FUCKING STUBBORN AND ARROGANT. i don't think i can function without her. i don't feel like eating, drinking or sleeping. i'll just smoke . i have this really bad we will be together again. even if i die from this or get back together, either way my suffering will end.  i don't know if ur reading this but im sorry for the pain i caused u. i just want to let u know, I Love You, i always did and i always will.

Party Rock!!

http://dc204.4shared.com/img/547100105/656b9836/dlink__2Fdownload_2F_5F3Q04AdM_3Ftsid_3D20110401-43939-53ad9f90/preview.mp3

18 March 2011

Today was really a bad day, last year one of my neighbors told me that not to park in front of his house because I was "obstructing". in my head was saying bullshit!! stop making excuses for ur pathetic lame ass driving!!. so i decide to park some where else.

so the I park near my next door neighbor, which I've been doing so for a good 3 months. when today my neighbor, warning me not park here.. i was thinking, WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO PARK!!!! so tonight i tried to park where i should park before just now at night, it was dark and i dint notice that the neighbor put a big ass ROCK there! it FUCKING RIP MY CAR'S SIDE SKIRT OUT!!!

so then i called my Dad about the situation, so he said i should park further up.. but i kinda miss my dad, i forgot how calm he can be when it comes to my stressful situations.

other than that, today was my friends birthday, Happy Birthday Jules!!! but i doubt she's reading this. I go to spend some time with my beloved today too. But i think she kinda mad at me because i left early. Sorry but two of my friends didn't feel comfortable.. beside i wanted her to spend more time with her friends too, rather than just me.

I manage to do some figures today in Starbucks, I had like an audience while i was drawing.. i felt good! I need to do it more often.

there are curtain things that still going through my head that i've haven't sorted it out yet. I need to do everything i can before she leave, or die trying.   

What's In My Mind Pt 1

I just thought of a new idea where, i make this particular topic when i have no idea what to post just for the sake of updating the blog. Hence, the use of Pt (part).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6ChnL8dXis

   This song has been in my head for a while.. every words from the song is something I can really relate too.its just so... lol, i can't even describe it. i guess if u listen to it, you'll know what I'm talking about.

   I'm really short of cash.. I'm seriously dying, i can't even buy food. Well, its not the first time but its worst than before. I really should focus more on saving than spending.

   I'm really hate sales people. The one's that sell religious stuff. Especially when its not my religion. Its so damn annoying! Someone came to me in my favorite bar "the Joint" while i was eating, she was talking to me in Chinese and was trying to sell me some Buddhist beads. While I was EATING!!! In my head i was thinking, bitch, I can barely fucking understand u and im trying to eat. If u want a donation, sit down here and eat because i know ur not suppose to ask for money, only, allowed to accept food. But being the nice guy that I am, I just say that I'm Malay.

   My class.... I'm doing ok, at least I'm doing ok. The only class thats giving me problem is CG with that dumb ass lecturer Irwin. well, its not that i hate him, its just the fact that his a guest lecturer, so, its hard to find him when I want to talking to him. its a real bitch I tell ya.

thats enough ranting for now, i'll save the rest for next time. See ya

My Fears, Believes, Wishes

    today Imma talk about my fears.. I used to think that my life is was mine and mine alone. come to think about its true, I do what I want and face the consequences later. I was never afraid to die. I still have my scars and I'm ashamed of them because how I got the them was ture meaningless fights and misunderstandings. I guess I can call it Karma.
   but now I have a girlfriend who i love the most, from the bottom of my heart I truly love her.QMH(Queen of My Heart). I recently found out she was going to study abroad, and now... I need to focus to spend more time with her, as much as possible before she leaves... but now I'm starting to have this fear of, me waking up one day and she's gone before spending anytime with her. it still fazes me.  I don't want her to leave but I can't be selfish, I must think of her future as well. I know, I need to be strong... for her sake.. Love, for you I will
    I believe that it was faith that she was in the same class with me for a month before she changed class. If it wasn't for that, I would never had met her at all. Faith is what brought us together, its through her that I don't believe in chance or luck anymore. Everything happens for a reason. Its through her, I value my life. She gave me life, hope and love. no one has ever done that.
   I wish that we had more time together. wish that she'd be save and strong willed when I'm not around. But my main wish is, that she'll be happy no matter what happens. I've be trying to fulfilled that wish for awhile because I always want to make her happy. I'd move mountains just to do so.

I'd always be here for u my love, i'll wait for you no matter what. you are the one that gives me hope. I love you.
  

Me Me Me Project

so recently my college class ask us to do a project of portraits of urselves base on what we learnt on modern art and test us on our photoshop skills

MY MODERN ART

My modern art follows the art movement called Dada. I was inspired by John Heartfield how he was so brave to go against Hitler and the Nazis by making fun of then true his visual art.

What I tried to accomplish is to go against public warnings of smoking. We all know that smoking kills, but the world has been to overly protective by putting up posters, having none smoking areas, putting disgusting pictures on cigarette boxes and raising the prices of cigarettes.

As for me, I am a smoker. I choose to smoke, not to look cool or be macho. It feels good and it relaxes me. We only live once, so why not do whatever we can and try everything we can.

In my modern art, I use photoshop to add the no smoking sign and the cigar. The smoke effect took me a few hours to learn how to do it and to actually get it right. Then I posterized it because the photo was to dull in colour wise.

MY FREESTYLE

In my freestyle portrait, is a picture on my self in a hoodie with a dark aura behind me. The reason why I did this is because everyone has a dark, demonic, animal side. Its just buried under religion, rules and laws. With out them, will just be wild beast that will kill, steal and rape.

The medium I used is photoshop. I just cut and paste the picture of myself. Then I did the smoke effect thing and then added a black background. It took me another few more hours with the smoke effect because I couldn't get the result that I wanted. I made 4 attempts until I was satisfied.

there are two more artworks, traditional and photographic but im just to lazy to put it up X)

An Investment??? "McFarlane Toys Spawn Alternate Realities Series 21: Spawn VII"

  I recently bought a "McFarlane Toys Spawn Alternate Realities Series 21: Spawn VII". I bought it thinking I'll open it and just place it some where that needs to be decorated but I thought about it for awhile and figured that it might make a good investment if iI leave it unopened. And its about 9 years old when they first release it. The packaging it quite damaged but the goods are still in mint condition.

         Full Front                                              Right Side                                                 Left Side




they've stop manufacturing this so hopefully I can get a good price for it but not in any time soon...




  I've never thought that I will be investing on an object before. I guess I'm really maturing and thinking more on the future rather than always living moment. I plan to get more investments but not so soon. I'm still recovering from this one, money wise.

A Better Man: The Man Philosophy

A Better Man: The Man Philosophy: "The Man Philosophy, Yeah! yeah!... So what exactly is, The Man Philosophy? Is just a set of Manly helpful, guide like rules for the ever..."

Whats this Blog about..

Whats it about?
Well, basically i just use this blog to put in my artwork, ideas, creative thoughts, new inspiration, dreams, thoughts and dumb conversations with my friends. Just to sum it all up, its gonna be a really random blog come to think of it. I hope people will comment, critique or give suggests on them.  I will also rant here to if i got nothing to put up :3